You are blessed to be a daughter when it comes to birr. Birr, or honoring, obeying and bringing happiness to the hearts of your parents, comes easier to a daughter than it does to a son. You are more able to tune in to others’ feelings and much of what needs to be done, comes natural to you. Of course the expression of birr differs according to one’s age and the age of one’s parents. Just as it is not enough to love your children and you must show your them your love, so it is for parents; and overall there is a formula:
Time, affection and money. All three together are needed.
When parents are still young, perhaps birr is more in seeing that their children have internalized the values that they were taught and in seeing them happy and successful. But the time, affection and money formula still holds. Since the older the parent the more important birr becomes, older parents are mostly the instance that I am addressing.
[tabs tabs=”Time,Affection,Money”]
[tab]Time: nothing can take the place of time. Not a nurse to help care for them or a maid to help with household chores nor the fanciest accommodations with five star services can take the place of you spending time with them. You may live with them, yet that will not count as time if there isn’t attentive proximity.[/tab]
[tab]Affection: Nothing is heavier upon the heart than to feel you are a burden on someone. To give time and make it seem as though it were out of a sense of duty, doesn’t count. Just like for children it is not enough to love them, you must show them that you love them, so too, for older parents, you must continuously show how much you love them and how much pleasure you derive from being close to them.[/tab]
[tab]Money: or what money buys. They may be richer than you or the money you have may be an allowance they give you. Still, spending it on them, whether for gifts or necessities is an unmistakable expression of love.[/tab]
[/tabs]
The one free love we receive from another human being is from our parents. Parental love is instantaneous, continuous and demands nothing in return. Some societies have pressured parents into acting otherwise, into believing this is a weakness or into rebelling against this natural feeling. But it has not been successful and the heart continuously returns to feelings of concern and protectiveness of its offspring.
It is for this reason that Allah Most High repeats often how children must honor their parents and reminds parents little of their duty. Love and care from the source to its branches is natural, love and care from the branches to their source is not and needs some reminding and encouragement.
The expression of love is manifold, and involves showing it in all its manifestations. Therefore when expressing our love to our parents we cannot choose the easiest way for us to show our love nor can we stick to only one or two ways. Love must be expressed through all these venues:
[one_third]
Time – your most valuable possession
[/one_third]
[one_third]
Affection – your emotions
[/one_third]
[one_third_last]
Money
[/one_third_last]